The 1st step

Well, I have ventured to start the Biggest Loser Workout. I just completed day 1!!! I feel great! It's really NOT THAT HARD!! I have started with part 1, Basic Cardio. It's a 6 day a week program and I am motivated for the 1st time in my life to do this. I am now waiting for lunch to be ready. 1 veggie chicken patty and 1/4 c low fat cottage cheese. I will be logging my exercise and food intakes daily. I will also be writing a daily blog at the end of my day. This really is my start!

Taken from my obesityhelp.com profile

I know there are probably a million posts down below from me saying today's the day or a new beginning and how much I am going to focus and better myself and take control and how I will make an honest effort. Truth be told those efforts were always temporary and I just couldnt focus and I let myself go. 7 days from now marks 4 years ago that I made a decision to change myself, a decision that I wasnt ready for but I did and it marks what should of been a brand new life for me and it wasnt. Today I take it all back, I take back all of the times I have failed myself. I will do what it takes to change ME, to change my ways. My boyfriend has really turned himself around and now that I know I have his support I can do this. He's been a very big inspiration. Things need to change and I am the only one who can make that happen. I will do my best to write every day and update constantly. Today is a new day, TODAY IS THE DAY THAT I TAKE MY LIFE BACK!

I don't understand this...

I don't understand how this works, I don't understand why we try. I love you, but I am so tired of the fights and tears. You'll never understand how I truly feel, but then you don't even try. I'm so close to giving up but to scared to do it. If you leave where will that leave me? alone and sad? kind of like now? Your never home and when you are its time for bed or I am already asleep. Do you really think any woman would be ok with their "other half" coming home at 1am every night? What makes you think I would be an exception? You've finally torn me apart but I know this isn't you, this is what you do when something isn't right, instead of fighting for it we both tear it to shreds. Why do even bother? What's the point?

Questions

I don't know about you but I spend alot of time in my life questioning things, questioning things that shouldn't be questioned. I question what should be sacred and whole, I question things that should hold no doubt. I question my life, my friends, my love, and even my family. But I seem to question and tear apart my heart the most. I question his faith and his love; after 5 years there should be no questions; it's not even things he does. I can safely say I let my head control my heart. The first 2 years of our relationship we had problems, problems I don't think most couples could survive; but we did. Because of those first 2 years I tend to tear apart the last 3. How do you convince your head to leave your heart alone? It's alot like my food addiction; my stomach can tell me I don't need to eat, and that the food I am putting in my mouth is unhealthy but my head over rules and I do it anyway. How do you convince your demons to let you go? and let you live peacefully? I know in my heart he loves me, an my life would be no life at all without him. He is everything I want and everything I need; I just need to let go and I don't know how.

Welcome to My Life

Hi!


Welcome to my life!

My Life:

My name is Shannon and I welcome you to my life! I am a 23 year old female living life the best way I can in beautiful sunny southern California. I spend alot of time with myself, and with my boyfriend of 5 years (Tony). My life isn't perfect, but then again perfection is hard to find, and I am not really searching for it. I started this blog for a few reasons, but the most important reason: ME!

My Story:

You see, like many other people in the world I suffer from an addiction. I am not speaking of drugs or alcohol or shopping or sex. My demon? My addiction; FOOD! You see for most of my life I have followed the old saying "Live to Eat" but I am slowing learning I need to "Eat to Live". September 8th 2004, I had gastric bypass surgery; also known as weight loss surgery. I was 19 years old when I made a life altering decision that I now know I wasn't prepared to make. Now at 23 years old I pray its not to late to learn to use my "tool". You see WLS is NOT an easy fix, in fact it's the opposite. WLS is a TOOL, a tool that only works if YOU use it right! I certainly have not. Although I did my research before having my surgery, I suppose I still had that thought in the back of my mind -I don't need to do anything, the weight will fall off-. I should of known better, I should of better prepared myself.

Take into consideration when reading:

This is MY blog, MY life. YOU are a GUEST! If you don't agree with my thought's and my feelings keep it to yourself. My blog is my way of letting go all the feelings and guilt that I hold inside. Positive reinforcement is always apprecaited. Negativity is not welcome.